May 3rd: Dammmm Danneee

Michigan’s spring weather has been cloudy with 100% chance of bullshit, but the cycling gods, they love Nachoride. With Wednesday’s weather being the only all week that wasn’t a cruel joke, another record crowd rolled out of HOMES. Scrunchies were shuffled a bit better this week, puff, puff pass and all that. We think Z-man cheated by scoping Danny’s scrunchie – but Z-man is gonna scope a man’s scrunchie. What are you gonna do?

Waters started steady; the pace picked up to a decent clip and on his 2nd visit to Nachoride, Z-man went early for the Fletcher Prime. Sam made a late, desperate attempt to catch him out before the sign. It was doomed from the start. What those boners didn’t realize was that Al was tucked quietly into Sam’s panic-scramble for the prime. Danny & Colin did realize it – and those fuckers were gone.

Danny (Green), Colin (Skins) & Al (Shit) had a small gap to start the Parker section. Stephen almost made the bridge but crossed up wheels and chickened out. But, you know what they say – “almost only counts in hand grenades and hepatitis.” Danny, Al & Colin worked together through the rollers to establish the gap. It was a lot of work. No one thought it was cool, but everyone thought it was too much work to chase. A chase group formed of Alan, Tom, Kevin, Frank, Sam, Seth, John, Matt & Sean. Danny & Al let Colin pull into the prime at Parker. Danny went early and Al went late for the line which led to a wheel-throw decision. Who throws a wheel for a stop ahead? There aren’t any cameras, idiots. Anyway, witnesses say Al had it. Also, Danny made Al do a bunch of work up to Zeeb so he deserves it.

Colin got gapped by the acceleration for the Prime and Danny & Al worked together again. The gap to the chase group was up to a minute, but everyone was tired. Pulling up the Falsest of Flats to Zeeb is a long, slow torture. Even at one minute you can see the group, with Colin suffering alone in no man’s land. Danny let Al pull into the prime and then zipped around to take it, when he saw the gap he kept motoring through.

The long breakaway took its toll; the three leaders, all separate now by a few seconds, realized it didn’t have to hurt like this, and just mashed pedals to the final at Wagner, finishing Danny (Green), Al (Shit) & Colin (Skins). They got to watch the Best of the Rest sprint of Geriatric proportions. The chase group was down to five with Alan taking the final from Sam, Matt, John & Frank – completing two in a row from the Cantonese. That’s what you call people from Canton right? There’s no other meaning to that word. Nope. Cantonese. From Canton, MI. That’s it.

Results: Probably (ish)

CHAMPS: Team Orange with 9pts and the upset! No primes, but keeping three together until the end pays off big. Weekly powerhouses Team Shit & Team Green pulled in the top spots and primes but neglected their teammates and tied for 2nd w/ 10pts each.

  1. Danny (green)
  2. Al (shit)
  3. Colin (skins)
  4. Alan (green)
  5. Matt (orange)
  6. Frank (skins)
  7. Sam (pink)
  8. John B. (orange)
  9. Chris (orange)
  10. Andy (shit)
  11. Kevin (shit)
  12. Stephen (green)
  13. Tom
  14. Christina
  15. Sean
  16. Dave
  17. Dr. John
  18. Kurt
  19. Cat
  20. Ken
  21. Ron
  22. Seth
  23. Matthew
  24. Craig
  25. Brian
  26. Cameron
  27. Bill
  28. Ethan
  29. Dylan
  30. Aaron
  31. Ryan
  32. AJO


  • Fletcher: Alan
  • Parker: Al
  • Zeeb: Danny

Ride of the Night: Alan was a focused machine and gave Nachoride the respect it deserves. He studied up from last week and nailed the bunch sprints flawlessly at Fletcher and the final at Wagner.