More than 30 folks rolled out of HOMES this week, even without the Kanton Kittens who were mysteriously missing. Assumptions were made. Specifically, that Nuck Tats forgot to shave ZMan. The group thinned out a bit as roughly thirty miles, no… not miles, fucking minutes, Sean barfed everywhere. Al & Jay stayed back to wipe his mouth as the group rolled on.
Al & Jay were content to roll slow and after Sean took the short-road home text messages were sent, and totally ignored, to start Waters without them. Apparently of the 30 people on Nachori.de exactly zero are capable of making decisions. They even got lost. Lost. On the route that at least 20 people have done every week all summer long, and the other 10 have a computer giving them turn-by-turn directions. Fucking lost. This means that one (wrong) dude confidently (wrongly) said “turn left” and 29 other jerks knew that was wrong and didn’t say anything. Adults. All adults. Every one of them. There literally has never been a toddler on Nachoride.
By the time Al & Jay rolled up to the Nature Cut, they were sure the group was long gone – but no. They were standing around, confused. Al & Jay rolled really slow hoping no one saw them. They had wimped out and decided not to ride hard. They would have no luck. The entire group stopped again at the waters corner, with zero ideas. Like no one had ever done Waters before. Then Sam had ideas. Tons of them. Cole rolled his eyes (rightfully so) and just started riding. Sam was encouraged to follow, and he enthusiastically did. With an eye to just getting on with it, the decision was made to roll Nacho Classique and just ride hard.
With no teams, the pace stayed nice and steady. Andy opened it up first and the group sorted itself out on the Fletcher section. Full acceleration for the Fletcher prime and … whut?… Andy pulled it down. There was much discussion about secret-training.
Rolling into flats of the Parker section it was steady, and the group was still fairly whole. With a solid crosswind, it was easy to sit in. Then the steady crosswind turned into a steady meat-wind. The meat, unfortunately, was still attached to living, bouncing, terrified deer. When the meat-wind jumped over Ron, was enough to form a couple of echelons and the group split. Into the rollers a front group had formed. Danny attacked to bridge up to Sam who was still out on his own, thinking it mattered. The group stayed steady and pulled everyone back by the Parker Prime which Sam sprinted for. Everyone thought that was funny. Al rolled through on the front of the group and mopped that one up uncontested.
On the Zeeb section there were some tired legs. Pulls dropped from 26mph down to 22ish; there was much fucking around and some nerves from the meat-wind. This all led up to a huge surprise on The Falsest of Flats. Al pulled up the section, but then… and this is insane, Danny sprinted around for the Prime and no one else did anything. It was bananas.
Into the final, everyone sat up. This would be the biggest group together for the Wagner sprint all season. Al was really excited about that. Rich wanted no part of it and smartly took a hard pull and then let the children play. Into the final 1k Andy was taking a sacrificial pull on the front when Al started the lead-out about 300 meters too early, like an idiot. He pulled off and Jay came through with Danny on his wheel but left him with a little too far to go. Patience paid off for Glen tonight and he cruised through for the easy tag, probably coasting.
- Fletcher: Andy
- Parker: Al
- Zeeb: Danny
- Dr. John
Ride of the Night: Andy has moved from struggling up the Falsest of Flats to hammering primes, taking hard pulls, hanging through some big attacks on the rollers and contesting the sprint at the end in just a few short weeks. Way to go. Great ride.
Honorable Mention: Cole went with Sam to share in his punishment just to be a solid dude. He did a ton of work and still hung on until the bitter end at Wagner.
DQ: Sam – Intentionally KOMing Nature Cut on Nachoride is immediate DQ. Unless he stopped to piss and still got the KOM – why do you think they call it Nature Cut?
Double Secret DQ: Sam – No-handed track stand in a group?! Fuck dude.
JULY STARTS NACHORIDE PREMIERE LEAGUE!!!! (wait what is that? who knows!? It might suck! c’mon!)