June 7th: Really, really sorry about this video

I mean wow; it’s impressively terrible. Jesus.

As Nachori.de enters the first full month of full-length routes and good weather the crowd is getting consistent, and a few new faces each week. One serious problem is that Danny keeps winning, which is boring for everyone not-Danny. So with the specific purpose of trolling Danny we invented a race for Waters that makes Danny start a couple minutes behind everyone else. It was awesome for everyone not-Danny.

Inspired by the Hammer Series, teams started Waters at :30 intervals in reverse finish order of the fastest rider from last week – the first team with three riders across Wagner, regardless of start position, wins. This wasn’t perfect, but, you know, suck it. Ideally it would create Hott Racing Action for one and all, except Danny. Primes were off, because, what?

Team Brown (John, other John, Ron and Bill) started first, followed by Green (Glen, Brad, Dylan, Brian and some dude who didn’t upload his ride), then Pink (Stephen, Brian, Andy, Cameron and Chris), then Orange (Al, Matt, Harvey, Jay, PotoKing) and finally Fluo (Danny, Sam, Sean, WhamWham & Jeff). Wouldn’t it be funny if Sam had intentionally chose Fluo to be on Danny’s team w/o knowing that we had intentionally handicapped him? It’s possible… or he chose Fluo to match his ski goggles.

Brown & Green got off to a solid start, keeping most of their riders in contact through the Fletcher section. Pink, on the other hand, immediately shed half of their team through the potholes and with Orange hot on their hot tails, they would be the first to get swallowed up.

By half-way through the Parker section, Green had caught Brown and merged into Super Group, Temple of The Dog (RIP Chris Cornell) and had a 30 second gap on Orange+Stephen, and an unchanged gap of 30 seconds back to Fluo – but with the rollers coming up, anything could happen! Suspense! Mystery! Fake Racing!

Orange made the catch on Super Group, Temple of the Dog (RIP Chris Cornell) early on the Zeeb section, but burnt Matt in the process and were down to the minimum 3 riders. Super Group, Temple of the Dog (RIP Chris Cornell) was able to tag up with Orange, and with Brad making an epic close to jump on the caboose and for Super Group, Audioslave (RIP Chris Cornell). Fluo had to ease up through the rollers to keep their team in tact and the gap opened to 40 seconds.

On the falsest of Flats things got interesting in Super Group Audioslave (RIP Chris Cornell). Orange was down to 3 riders, and had tired legs from the chase. Green had four riders still and were sitting in – Somehow Orange had to shed a couple of Green from the group, without shedding their own. HOTT RACING ACTION! The plan was for Al to sit on the front while Jay & Harvey went to the back to attack and hopefully get separation while Al hopefully could cover Green’s 3rd man. Then Stephen, who dropped his team in the first section and had nothing to live for, ruined everything by just blowing up Super Group, Audioslave (RIP Chris Cornell) all together. That was until an overly polite teenager (whut?) got confused about what to do with turning a car, and held everyone up at Zeeb long enough to get the band back together. Al was having none of that shit and buried it over the first rise into the Wagner section and dropped the group down to Stephen, Glen, Jay & Al – but no one had 3 riders, the race was on behind.

There was a full minute back to Fluo from the leaders, but they had kept their team together and Harvey (Orange #3) and Brad (Green #3) were in no-mans-land and losing ground fast. Harvey nipped Brad in an irresponsible washboard sprint finish for the team win, with Green an uncomfortably close 2nd. Fluo closed to within :15 seconds of the Harvey-Brad sprint, meaning all teams finished their 3rd within a tight margin. Not bad for totally made up starting gaps and randomly chosen teams. Also, Danny didn’t win, which was the fucking point. Success!

Results:

Champs: Team Orange (Jay, Al, Matt, PotoKing, Harvey)

  • 2nd: Green (Brad, Glen, Dylan, Brian)
  • 3rd: Brown (Ron, John, John, Bill)
  • 4th: Fluo (Danny, Sam, WhamWham, Jeff, Sean)
  • 5th: Pink (Stephen, Brian, Andy, Cameron and Chris)

Ride of the Night: Brad was on the front for Green when Orange passed them, hard. Brad dug fucking deep, closed the gap, and jumped on the back to keep his team complete, and it came down to an eventual sprint finish for the win. All this only a few months out from a broken leg. Big ride man. Big ride.