Aug 16th: NCL Week 2

NCL Week 2: Kurt doesn’t like fun.

Chelsea sets a record for single-week scoring, while Young Boys, well, set a record of their own by not scoring a single point. Not even one. Despite having one of the stronger crews, with a full compliment of Team Jazzy Tree, inexperience and possibly being distracted by trying to poach KOMs early in the ride, led them to post a zero.

1s & 3s is an interesting game; you have to keep as many people in the front group as possible, but Primes are extremely valuable and changed everything last week so getting some guys off the front is a good idea. With 35+ on the ride this week, and a moderate cross-headwind, it would be a slower day on waters so PR points would be minimal. With tons of new people again, it took about five minutes to split up teams, which Kurt felt was totally ridiculous because he doesn’t care, and doesn’t want to be on a team. Since is mandatory he has to come and stand there anyway – so we’re really sorry.

Chelsea got a Old Country Buffet of Alternates this week with Duncan arriving from Oregon and pretending like he hadn’t been previewing the Nacho Course and going after local KOMs for like a month already (we see you, Duncan from Oregon, We SEE YOU). Okay, well, now we see you… we didn’t before, but now we do. Chelsea also picked up Michel who would post up the only big PRs of the night and with the return of Danny they had someone who would sit in the whole time and focus on the win and the win alone.

Fletcher opened up slowly, Stephen did the bulk of the work with a couple of digs on the front; Al & Jeff AC helped a little, but not much. Al tested the gutter a bit, but the cross wind wasn’t quite strong enough to make a big difference. The Fletcher sprint opened up early; it looked like the return of “Gimme dem Primes” Stephen was going to go as predicted… but Danny came from the back with good speed and cannonballed the field.

Sean drifted off the front for Man City into the Parker section. No one wanted to go so Al & Brad drifted off the front and joined him for a short stint off the front. Danny was having none of that and closed the gap down quickly. At this point, Thaddeus Blumpfeck came barreling through the field in a white Datsun which raised a couple of questions: First, who the hell passes Nachoride? Second, where does one even find a Datsun North of 1984 or after Mexico? Just as the group was coming back together, there was some tractor-dodging before the rollers. Lately, everyone has been doing fuck-all through these rollers. People get antsy about the Parker Prime, and the (old) tendency for selection to be made there, and the last bunch of rides have made it through with colono compatto, or something. Sean & Jeff AC attacked off the top of the second set to get a gap going into the prime. Stephen jumped to close the gap off the top of the roller with everyone in tow. With a teammate off the front, Al was able to sit in and time it right to take the prime without much effort – except that “I’m gonna take a prime on my first nacho dammit” Duncan was right there the whole time.

Still 25+ strong to start the Zeeb section, it would again be up to the Falsest of Flats to break up the group. Jeff AC & Duncan attacked and were able to establish a small gap. The group wanted to let them dangle; Chelsea & Hoffenheim had the most people still in the bunch, and were represented in the break. It might have been the right combo. David B actually took a long, hard pull on the front which was straight-weird. They dangled off about 20 meters half way up the falsest of flats when Duncan was able to get a gap on Jeff AC before the Zeeb prime. There wasn’t enough time for anyone to come out of the group and “Nobody Expects the Oregon Inquisition” Duncan nabbed a prime on his first Nacho.

But he had no idea where he was, so he had to let the group come back to start the Wagner section. There were some tired legs, but the group was still big. Jeff Colombia, Christina, Kevin, Jazzy Dave were all mixing it up in the front group after great rides. Then Frank attacked at Frank’s Attack Spot. Everyone sighed and said, “typical Frank” and a laugh track rolled. Then Joey came in and said, “How you doin’?” to Rachel. It was hilarious. One of these times, Frank is gonna make that stick though and we’ll see who’s laughing. Frank. That’s who will be laughing. Captain Ron V lead out the sprint, and executed the proper sit-up (read: he stayed put, no weaving, great!) but … unfortunately all of Hoffenheim had lined up directly behind him and was totally boxed in. The sprint opened up on the right side of the road with Danny, Stephen, Duncan & Sean in contention. Danny & Sean held hands across the line, and even executed some sort of secret-handshake after the line. They suggested splitting the bonus points for the win, instead, it was given to the fastest SGMGR time – which was Danny.


Chelsea with the motherload of PR points, Bonus points, Primes and the win on the day racked up way, way, too many points. Mostly due to keeping it interesting, the decision was made to not count PR points on your first (ie. you can’t go slow-roll waters and then show up on Nacho and rack up 4 points). Chelsea still had Michel though who was on his 2nd nacho, and apparently was soft-pedaling the shit out of his first one because he got a full compliment of PR points. So Chelsea rockets into first by 10 points with Hoffenhiem holding onto 2nd by one point over Man City who despite not getting and Primes was as able to manage 2nd on the day with a strong finish from Slieny. Young Boys totally shit the bed, we’ve been over this, while Liverpool scrapes a few points out but the NPL champion is still struggling in last place in the league.

Chelsea 35
Hoffenheim 27
Man City 26
Young Boys 14
Liverpool 7

WHICH MEANS: Alternates will be divided up moving forward and Liverpool gets Duncan to balance these teams out a bit (see spreadsheet to see where you ended up).

Lots of folks with 4 points for the Jalapeno jersey, Al holds on to the Cheese for one more and Glen is still out front in the individual GC. Hoffenhiem has the Zabel and the GC for one more week.

Oh and the dude at 110 Burrwood dr. complained so much to the city that they installed no parking signs in front of his house on Monday. Instead of warning people who had been parking there for months that there were new No Parking signs, he just hid in his bushes and called the police. That’s cool.