May Nachoz / NPL / Various / Bloodlungz / Bullshit

What the hell is going on? Is there a May NPL? Where is the scoring? Who is running this shit show? Well, karma finally caught up to Al for subjecting you to these videos every week. As an obese, sedentary, smoker, his lungs filled up with blood, he spent the weekend in the ER, and will be off the bike for a few months. This is not a joke. Well, it’s funny, but it’s not a joke. That asshole had a pulmonary embolism; it’s an affliction that can only affect an active, healthy person if you really, really, piss off whatever force/luck you believe in, by, say, writing an entire nacho-post about Seth’s dick. He’s alive, but still coughing up blood here and there. He’s definitely not enjoying these 65-and-sunny Nachorides. Whatever. I’m sure he doesn’t care all that much.

Cool, nobody cares, what about my Nacho Points? Danny, NQNS-Stephen, Jay and some others will be helping keep score and get things updated. Word on the street is that JeffAC has a line on some hott automated scoring shit. So GAME ON… Man U might have to forfiet with their GC rider out and the Kanton Kittens making up their sprint squad and being suspiciously absent.

We’ll get this updated ASAP. In the meantime…

Enjoy your days in the sun. Get on the bike. Things can go sideways fast.

May 6th: Seth’s Birthday, he’s a great dude

We don’t have a lot of information on this the May 6th Nachoride due to an event now know n as “The Chickening.” However, using advanced sensor techniques, satellite imaging, lasers and dentaldams, we have put together the following analysis within an acceptable margin of error.

The group accelerated quickly onto waters, with birthday-boy Seth and his entire krew of Kanton Kittenz taking the pace high. Coming up to the sprint at Fletcher, it looked like birthday-boy Seth wasn’t going to take it but his birthday-erect penis leaped forward from his bibs and he won by a head.

The Parker section saw the group split, come come back together, split again and eventually approach the sprint with all of the hitters still gunning for it. No Quit No Spit Stephen was perfectly set up for an easy win on the uphill sprint, but Seth’s Birthday Boner actually used its boner-cleat® to clip in and pedal him across first. Dick watts, amiright?

With the lead group established, and frankly, everyone terrified of Seth’s autonomous appendage, there wasn’t much (non boner) related action on the falsest of flats up to Zeeb. Nobody even bothered going for the sprint because they didn’t want to see what Seth’s dong would do next. Seth rolled across in first with everyone else covering their eyes and holes.

From the satellite it looks like Stephen won the final sprint, however, on further analysis it appears that Seth’s dick actually won.

Then everybody won because the legend, Brian Adams, showed up at HOMES. Note: That’s not another joke about Seth’s dick! That’s true!

Dammit.