May 6th: Seth’s Birthday, he’s a great dude

We don’t have a lot of information on this the May 6th Nachoride due to an event now know n as “The Chickening.” However, using advanced sensor techniques, satellite imaging, lasers and dentaldams, we have put together the following analysis within an acceptable margin of error.

The group accelerated quickly onto waters, with birthday-boy Seth and his entire krew of Kanton Kittenz taking the pace high. Coming up to the sprint at Fletcher, it looked like birthday-boy Seth wasn’t going to take it but his birthday-erect penis leaped forward from his bibs and he won by a head.

The Parker section saw the group split, come come back together, split again and eventually approach the sprint with all of the hitters still gunning for it. No Quit No Spit Stephen was perfectly set up for an easy win on the uphill sprint, but Seth’s Birthday Boner actually used its boner-cleat® to clip in and pedal him across first. Dick watts, amiright?

With the lead group established, and frankly, everyone terrified of Seth’s autonomous appendage, there wasn’t much (non boner) related action on the falsest of flats up to Zeeb. Nobody even bothered going for the sprint because they didn’t want to see what Seth’s dong would do next. Seth rolled across in first with everyone else covering their eyes and holes.

From the satellite it looks like Stephen won the final sprint, however, on further analysis it appears that Seth’s dick actually won.

Then everybody won because the legend, Brian Adams, showed up at HOMES. Note: That’s not another joke about Seth’s dick! That’s true!

Dammit.