May 29th: 5th Year Best Year

The weather is betta, the crew is chill. This season’s slogan might just end up being “Frankly, Tuck your Penis.” Or, “FTP.” I dunno, we’re still workshopping it. Whatever it ends up being, turnover is abound in Nacho-Land this year. No Danny (Boston), Cat (Bay), Sean (Bay), Jeff (Colombia), Bontner (Hamburg), and ZMan (Butt Implants) is a lot of power dropped out of the front group, but a new crop has popped up.

Matt, other Matt, Luke “Champ*†” Hileman, Will, Connor, Ralf, Rob, Hannah and Travis all made Nacho Debuts in the last two weeks, proving once again that Beijing Hip Hop brings the crowds in cycling.

This week saw Waters rd get… kind of graded a little. It can now be described as, “probably a bad idea to ride fast.” Instead of last weeks, “bring a diaper.” The group was smooth. Everyone pulled through, even Matt who pulled through like it was a sprint effectively towing the whole crew up to Fletcher, and also fucking himself completely.

The group trimmed down a bit going up to Parker, with everyone resting while Old Jay pulled. On the Falsest of Flats, everyone was making fun of NQNS-Stephen’s dumb fender being dumb in his wheel, but then he ripped it off and stuffed it in his shirt like a barbarian. He said “samurai” … maybe. Show us your not-cut-off-nipple and we’ll talk about “samurai.”

Nipple or not, NQNS didn’t quit, or spit, and made it to the top of Zeeb, and even held on to the kick over the horse-sex††-club, but then sat up! You were there! you had it! Anyway, whatever, Al n’ Connor rolled smooth the the finish and the whole group finished within about 2 minutes. Everyone was rolling fast and smooth. Way to go.

*short distance


††only a theory


Twenty Ninteteen

This is 2019. is five. If Nachoride was a human baby it may have finally have stopped shitting its pants. Unfortunately weekly-rides tend to move in the opposite direction on the shitty-pants continuum. On this fifth anniversary of Nacho Classique it is important to remember the core ideals of, and why it’s grown into what it has:

  • Nachoride is as Nachoride does.
  • Slow, then fast, then Bulgogi Fries.
  • Nachoride is not a club ride.
  • Nachoride is not a public ride.
  • Nachoride is not a race.
  • There is no placing on Nachoride.
  • You cannot win Nachoride.
  • You can lose Nachoride.

Nachoride started as a small group of friends riding on Wednesdays and then drinking a lot of beer afterwards. It has grown into a large group of friends, and that is wonderful. However, a wise, very, very, fucking old man, once said, “just because we both ride bikes, doesn’t mean we’re friends.”

So, like, be cool or go kill some other ride.