a D.J or whatever

Fuckin’ Connor mann

On the slow roll out Connor is just chillin’ on the front, chatting with Jag-tree-Scott who is saying “I’m on blood thinners, I just have to be careful” and then CONNOR (definitely not Al, who was not on this ride, it was Connor) did what Connor does and immediately crashed his bike into Scott. For no reason. There was… nothing. Just like, not paying attention. Like a fucking baby amateur. Just like, fell off his bike. At 15mph. In the neutral. Fucking Connor.

Waters is graded

Good news / bad news. The potholes are gone, but the deep fresh-grade means you’re putting down hitter-watts even in the draft. Hashtag-no-coasting. For the first 15 min not a freewheel was heard. Everyone went chill around the corner onto waters, saw the fresh grade and smiles abound. Team Wheels in Onsies went to the front and did an honorable job of pulling the group up to Waters-Speed smoothly. Seriously though – the first-pull responsibility is serious. Give folks a chance; keep it steady – and they did. Good on y’all. Smooth as a kitten’s sex-dream (that’s smooth).

Crossing Fletcher and seeing it’s still graded Peter bJörn & Watts waited for the group to come through safely (c’mon, so cool, y’all are just… Imma cry) then he put it fucking down at 30mph in the deep gravel. Watts were had. Drafts were useless. Approaching the rise up to Lima Center, Connor, who was definitely on this ride, recognized that PbJ&W just wrecked the group decided to end He Who Shall Not Come on Nacho and straight buried that hill despite blood spraying from various orifices. It worked. Unfortunately it also got rid of a lot of cool folks that we like, but, you know. Fuck that guy.

Matt “go ahead, I’ll catch you” Dana made an impressive showing holding on through Parker, but the deep, fresh-grade gravel offered no recourse. It was a slog the whole stretch. Parker to Zeeb was wound-licking, resting-on-the-front, waiting for the Falsest of Flats, hoping your shit didn’t fall apart before Zorb. Kyle “I’ll still take a pull even through I know it’s the end of me” Schutte did what he does…. lay it all down on FoF. PbJ&W was by far the strongest on the day and was totally gonna jump on that motor-poach but the look in Connor (who was on the ride) and Kyle’s faces said “Pleaseno” so he sat up and rode to the finish with Connor (again, definitely this was Connor, who was not in Utah, but here, in Michigan, on this ride).

The rest of the group stayed together, a testament to the good roads and high rolling resistance and rolled in just after the leaders finished… fucking. So like 90 seconds. Then, like 3 hrs. later Old Jay showed up at HOMES cuz he as a jorb or whatever but it was still good to see him

Next week: The Full 50. Don’t fuck around. Be there. (if you’re vaccinated)

All things must eventually nacho

You’re sick and/or tired of it all

So get you Las fuckin’ Nenas and enjoy a nachoride on Wednesdays. If you’re vaccinated of course. That said, if you’re the kinda shitwhistle who isn’t at this point you were likely shamed out of this roll years ago anyhoo. All that is to say – you’ve earned this. David’s voice is heard again, bellowing across the cornfields of southeast Michigan, complaining that the videos don’t autoplay on his large-print phone (you have to change your browser settings to allow autoplay, or come here the week after).

Nacho Classic

A return to normalcy. and how. In 2015 we rode slow, then fast, then Nachos. There were no games, no points, no Premiere League, no teams, no sweaty scrunchies. It’s 100% chill until Waters rd. Then, it’s 100% whatever you want for about 10 miles, straight back into Ann Arbor. Smooth. Fast. Take a pull. Sit in. Drop off. Hold on for one more stop sign than last week. Push your friends to improve. Co-operative competitiveness. This is what the world needs, and this is what Nacho can provide. That and a slow start to your Thursday.

A note about danger:
A certain person, we’ll call him Blurt has made it his personal mission to tell everyone that Nachoride is dangerous… which is dumb, and wrong. We know why he’s saying this, but we’re not the kinda folks to call someone out for projecting his own insecurities on others. Or are we? Or did we just? Point is; come on nacho. Introduce yourself. Nacho is for all speeds. Nacho gives it for Pros and baggy-shorts alike. Nacho will take you under its wing. Nacho will include you. Nacho will help you set and achieve a goal. Nacho will shit down your throat if you hinder anyone else from any of the above. Such is the way.

Is this a fucking ad for Nacho?

We had the best time last week. We want more. Where were the Kanton Kittenz? Who was NQNS Stephen? How do you get a nickname? Fuck man, we’re just doing this so David B. Bonnthener can hear some music made after 1922.

May 19th

Route is pushed to 40 miles… oh how we miss the nature cut, will go slow, then fast, then we’ll have bulgogi.